Selling Garage Candy

Here is my list of wild and crazy motorcycle adds. Feel free to add your own collection of nuttiness to this list:

"Harley Davidson Sportster 1200: Pearl white, fuel injection, removable windshield, 86 actual miles, warranty, brand new bike."

"Harley Davidson Softail Custom: 2K miles. PM wheels, driveside brake, 240 Phatail kit, HD chrome covers, HD Deuce chrome lowers, Hi-flow intake, 9.6:1 comp, Crane Hi-4TC ignition, coil, 310-2 cams, and pushrods – over $38K invested."

"Invested" would not be the term I would use. "Wasted," "flushed," or "foolishly squandered" would be more along the lines I'd consider appropriate. $20/mile is a long way from an investment.

"2005 30th Anniversary Goldwing: beautiful Black Cherry color, 1832 cc six cylinder, 5 speed, cruise control, adjustable windshield, great sound system and more. The bike has driver's backrest, highway pegs, drink holder, power outlet, wing foot boards, and low miles (7200) - this is the ultimate road bike - like new and ready to ride!!!"

"1980 Yamaha XS 850 Special with only 3,500 miles like new condition, it has been stored since 1982. It has been gone through from top to bottom so its ready to ride."

For the kind of money this owner is asking, the XS ought to ride itself. However, having been store since 1982 is a long way from being "like new." Like new plus rust, varnish in the fuel system, contaminated lubrication stuck in every small port in the engine, and well oxidized finish, maybe.

"2001 Bourget Low Blow Chopper, 5700 actual miles, 113 S&S, Jims 6-speed, polished stainless everything, awesome custom paint, fast and fun and gets 40 mpg!!!! May consider partial hotrod trade. This bike was $33k new. Buy it for $17,900. Turns heads everywhere you go. I cannot respond to e-mails as our computer is messed up........"

More than just your email is messed up, buddy. People are turning their heads as if they were oggling a gory crash. You probably think they are covering their ears so they can focus on how cool you look on your hippobike.

"2005 Good big bear chopper;s&s mtr polish,96 cui;morris magneto;5 speed trans rivera;bb springer;240 rear tire;custom paint , $28,500 OBO"

"2001 Harley-Davidson FXST SOFTTAIL Ajustable Lowering Kit. New 2 tires, Sampson2 pipes, Drag bars, Custom tail blinkers, Lots of Chrome- Low miles. Looks & SOUNDS great. Very Loud. $10900.00 offer"

“SOUNDS great” as in irritates everyone within a few miles of the chrome plated junker?

"1999 HARLEY DAVIDSON Excellent rebuilt engine, 3600 mi, excellent condition. am/fm stereo , $10,500 OBO"

" Showroom Condition 2005 Big Dog Ridgeback with 56 orig miles. Originally $31,600 MSRP. This Bike Was Not Only Voted Most Dependable V-Twin Back To Back But This Ridged Chopper Also Offers Tons Of Power With It's 117 CI S&S Motor, A Bulletproof Baker 6 Speed, And A Fat 300MM Rear Tire. This bike Is Right Side Drive So It feels lighter and is well balanced."

I had no idea that swapping the drive side would make a machine lighter. Of course, this hippo bike feels light in comparison with a steam locomotive.

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